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Korean Restaurant Springfield, VA

Royal Court Barbeque

6138-B Backlick Rd.
Springfield, VA 22150

(703) 913-1003

It's an interesting take on Korean BBQ, as the burners at the table are cooked on more of a grill style area rather than a heated metal burner.  

The overall quality of the this place is a half step below some of the other Korean restaurants in Annandale, but they do serve Korean Pork belly the kind that Anthony Bourdain eats in Korea.  It's hasn't been corrupted by the crap that Honey-pig uses as filler to dupe you into thinking the food is cheap.  

They serve other Korean hot-pot dishes which are very authentic, including one that uses belt-fish and radish cooked in a spicy sauce.  I don't know what it's called but my super Korean Family love that stuff, me Twinkie boy not so much.

The banchan was good but not spectacular and the size of the restaurant makes it great for taking friends.  

If you are craving pork and don't want to wait for Honeypig's lines then the 3 mile drive up Backlick road is worth it.  The style of pork they serve is a bit different and is meant to be eaten more like a lettuce wrap, or with some Kimchi.

What puts this place over the top into four stars is the service, and the price.  To be honest I couldn't believe how much our bill came out to for dinner for three people, I actually began to question how the hell they make money.  

When you go it's not very crowded don't be alarmed this place has been in this shopping center for years and used to be known as one of the go to drinking places for older Korean men and they're mistresses but it's recently been changed over to a new owner who is a sweet lady and provides awesome service.  She gives you the type of service that you hope for, but seldom get at any type of restaurant.

MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Guajillo Arlington, VA aka Enchilada de Mierda

 

1727 Wilson Blvd
Arlington, VA 22209

(703) 807-0840

www.waheeyo.com

I think this place is all hype.  It's just not what I expected.  To be honest I've had better Mexican at Chi-Chi's when they were still in business.

I'm embarrassed to think that with the number of Latin American people that live in the Northern Virginia area, let alone Arlington county this is considered really good, or great Mexican Food!

As most yelpers have already stated the Chips and Salsa are only the redeeming value to this place, which is why it doesn't get 1 star.  I didn't have any of their margaritas so i can't attest to their quality.

As an appetizer we ordered the tamales.  For our entrees, my girlfriend ordered the Chicken Enchiladas which Guajillo proclaims to serve Washington's Best Enchilada, I ordered the Enchilada de Pato (duck).  I had planned on ordering tacos but when I asked the server he didn't hesitate to tell me how great the Duck was, and that I would love it.

The tamales were good, and the pico de gallo sauce was equally as good so I was very optimistic.  When our food came out, I was immediately disappointed, again as the more astute yelpers pointed out the rice that was served is clearly not Latin American Rice.  It tastes just like rice pilaf, except using a shorter grain rice.  I should have known to ask for my check here!

My girlfriends chicken enchilada was watery and had no flavor at all, it tasted like dry chicken pieces in a plain corn tortilla, with a nice runny bath watery moisture sliding down my throat.  

She felt her dish was at least edible.  

The Enchilada de Pato with mole sauce which the server told me was great, should be called Enchilada de Mierda con Salsa Vomito.  I should have known better because duck is not easy to cook and probably shouldn't be served in Mexican Food, it's also something that is a good barometer to whether or not a restaurant can actually cook.  What further piqued my interest was that it was listed as one of 7 specialty dishes on their menu.

It just outright sucked.

If anyone has met me I don't look like someone who's skipped a meal, but to say the least I took two bites of my Enchilada de Mierda con Salsa Vomito aka Enchilada de pato and I was done.  It was dry, flavorless, and caused me to lose my appetite.  Maybe I can visit this place three meals a day and I would lose the weight that I want to in a very short period of time.

I might be willing to give this place another shot because I hear it's family owned, and I know how tough it can be keeping standards high in a family business but, this was an awful experience.

It actually made me bitter that I spent $60.00 including tip for a meal I didn't eat, I think to some degree I was in shock because the place was so crowded and everyone else seemed to enjoy their food.  Price is normally never a factor I've found unless the food sucks.  

This experience is a further validation that:
#1 Washington, DC area has along way to go to even come close to NY, LA, Chicago, or Boston's Restaurant Scene.
#2 Washingtonian Magazine and Washington Post are pure hype machines, and have people without taste buds as their food critics.  

The icing on the cake to this story was that on the way home I got a foot long sub from Subway and was much happier.  I can't express enough how disappointed I was because I really wanted to find a go to Mexican place that wasn't Baja Fresh.

This place gets a Belly Fat 1 Star.

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Momo Fuku Fuken Great

Momofuku Ssäm Bar

207 2nd Ave

(between 12th St & 13th St)

New York, NY 10003
(212) 254-3500

Momo Fuku is Fuken Great! 

During a trip to NYC this past spring I had a chance to have dinner here at Ssam bar.  I found out about this place from an epsiode of Antony Bourdain's No Reservations. 

The place is trendy, and appears to be a place that the suits go to unwind after a long day of being stuck in an office.  It's dark with hardwood floors, and wood paneling.  The tables are setup big, and girthy with wood blocks as your seats. 

The steamed pork buns is like pork heaven between a soft Chinese bun folded like a taco shell.  I could these a dozen at a time.  The special that we had was a grilled sword fish collar that was cooked with finesse with lots of flavor and texture.

We had the Grilled Hanger Steak!  Another meat orgasm in your mouth.  Tender doesn't begin to describe how well the meat was cooked, it was like beef flavored butter, at the same time no traces of blood.  It's a damn hard thing to do to cook beef this well!  Steak houses could take a lesson from the chef's in this place. 

The other two dishes I don't recall as it has been month's since I've eaten there, but this restaurant gave me a few realizations.  First it made me appreciate why New Yorkers love New York.  I'm a Washingtonian and have been most of my life, and as interesting and progressive as my hometown is, the food at this little corner restaurant embodies the uniqueness of New York while defining the diversity of the people of NYC.  Second I realized how far the Washington DC restaurant scene has to grow and develop. 

David Chang is almost the Alan Moore of the culinary world.  He's producing phenomenal cutting edge food but isn't known by the general public, and like Alan Moore he could probably give a "s&*t".  Because the food is what matters.  For those people in the know they know they have tasted greatness.  It is rare to find someone who can take tired Asian dishes and reinvent them in a way with a deeper soul, yet maintain the integrity of it's origin.  At the same time some of his dishes are redefining what is American cuisine.  American food isn't just hot dogs, and hamburgers, as a matter of fact it's not only the stuff presented as new American cuisine.  David Chang has given people of Asian American descent who are of 2nd generation on a culinary identity in American Culture.  It's a shame that his food is only in NYC.  Who else could make Asian Food, American?

By the way David Chang gets everything right with Asian food, where that douche bag Spike from Top Chef goes wrong with Vietnamese food.

This place gets a SUMO 5 Stars.

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Present Restaurant In Falls Church

Present Restaurant

6678 Arlington Blvd
Falls Church, VA 22042
(703) 531-1881

This review is broken up into a three parts the restaurant, the food, the service.

 

The Restaurant

 

Perhaps I’m a bit biased as I have known this restaurant in it’s previous incarnation under a different ownership group.  It was sub par to say the least.  The renovations done to the restaurant was done efficiently saving certain aspects of the previous establishment, while elevating the overall ambiance from roach motel tepid to warm and friendly.  Even the somewhat out of place waterfall and rock formation fits into the overall picture that was trying to be painted by the ownership group. 

 

The Food

 

Understand that I have only recently been turned onto Vietnamese Food so I am far from an aficionado.  In any case whether or not this authentic Vietnamese Food this is good.  From what I understand they do a mix of reinterpreted dishes which has a soul in authentic Vietnamese food, and it serves dishes that are suitable for your uncultured friends. 

 

The presentation of each dish has been carefully thought out, with garnishes that help create a simple elegance where your eyes begin to send salvia to your mouth, it’s like food foreplay.  The flavors vary from the suitable for all diners, to the food just for the most adventurous. 

 

The Duck in Tamarind Sauce is a great choice for first timers, while the Adventurous Bull is good for a nice Vietnamese Roll that you make with the beef cooked at your table.  The fish going wild has a fantastic presentation with the meat cooked to perfection.  The fish is fluffy, tender, juicy fish.  The Shrimp in the Fresh Ocean is seasoned perfectly and presented in a unique cored pineapple. 

 

The Service

 

I find that overall they provide good solid service.  At times when they are a bit busy the staff seems to be understaffed by 1 or 2 people, it’s not to the point where you’ll get upset but you notice it.  At the same time the staff is very attentive to your needs, and does everything to make your visit a pleasant one. 

 

Put to you this way the service doesn’t detract from the food or the experience, but at the same time doesn’t give the power punch over the top. 

 

Evaluation

 

Good place to take a date, or some good friends. 

 

I always judge ethnic cuisine based on the clientele, I don’t recall too many Mexicans eating at Chi Chi’s as a kid.  Present will have in the same sitting a Vietnamese family enjoying a night out, with a Vietnamese guy and his “roommate(Asian guy still in the closet” eating dinner with the Vietnamese guy’s non English speaking mother, with a group of ethnically mixed Yuppie Friends that look like a Benaton Advertisement, and the random Fat Korean Guy and his Girlfriend trying to eat through the menu. 

 

This is one of the better restaurants in Northern Virginia.  They do all the things everything right that a restaurant should.  I would anticipate that they will be rated highly by Zagat if they already haven’t gotten one. 

 

For dinner or the weekend make a reservation or be prepared to wait.

 

Try it out and if you don’t like it, I don’t like you!

This place gets a "SUMO" 5 STARS TRAIN TO BE SUMO WRESTLER HERE!

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Tandoori Nights the Next PF Chang's?

Tandoori Nights  

2800 Clarendon Boulevard
Arlington, VA 22201
(703) 248-8333

Can you say Indian PF Chang's?

I'm all for reinterpretations of foods, and changing the ambiance that may be traditionally attributed to a particular type of cuisine.  In fact I appreciate attempts to elevate peasant/rustic foods.  In this case we have the creation of PF Chang's Bollywood style!

Pros:
The restaurant is very modern and nicely designed.  

Cons:
Flavors have been toned down to cater to the masses.  
The Service is a "short and curly" above atrocious.

For those of you (YES I'M TALKING TO ALL YOU NON-ASIANS!) who don't know PF Chang's is not real Chinese food, just because you put a fake Terracotta soldier or horse in front of a building doesn't make it Chinese.  It's were you take your friends who can't handle anything other than hamburgers and french fries and expose them to pseudo asian food.

Tandoori Nights is the same for Indian Food.  Pseudo Indian at Best!

I give this place a rating of "Fat Ass" 2 Stars.

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

EatBar

EatBar  

2761 Washington Blvd
Arlington, VA 22201
(703) 778-9951

Great place to meet up with some friends, or take a date.  

The wine selection is very good, and they do offer plenty of food options to compliment the wine.  

The bartenders are pretty cool, but not sensational.  

Overall I would say that if I lived in Arlington I would probably drink here at least twice a week and wouldn't be as impressed as I am with the place, because I live in Asiandale I think the ambiance of the place is more striking.

I found the food slightly above average.  All the food is really meant to be consumed with alcohol, so if you are looking for a good meal probably not the place, yet if you are looking for a nice place to drink and get some good food then this is your place.

I give this place a rating of "Man Boobs" 3 Stars.

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Tackle Box Georgetown

Tackle Box 

3245 M St NW
Washington, DC 20007
(202) 337-8269

The food is good but clearly overpriced.  This is one of those places that makes you ask WTF?

It would probably be a great find if it wasn't so over hyped, and overpriced.  

The guys that work there are more interested at staring at your girlfriends ass then trying to get your food out.  The Lobster roll for what they charge has about an ounce and half of meat.  The pictures you see contain about 99% bun or roll.  

The fish tacos are good but again way too expensive.  I don't care how you repackage it or where it's delivered, the components are the same.  You could use fresh Ahi Tuna in a fish taco and still charge less than tacklebox.  

It's worth checking out to see what all the fuss is about, but overall it's overpriced.  

If they were about 15-20% cheaper or gave you 15% more quality it would be worth it.  

Cornbread crack heads (myself included) stay away from what they pass as cornbread, it will just make you angry.

I give this place a rating of "Fat Ass" 2 Stars.

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Sushi Rock Cafe Sucks A Big Fat One

Sushi Rock Cafe  

1515 E Las Olas Blvd
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33301
(954) 462-5541

 8/20/2009  

Oh Fort Lauderdale you are a sad sad sad place.  

OUT OF TOWNERS READ MY REVIEW!

If you think PF Chang's is the best Chinese food in the world don't read this review.

But, if you think no matter what you do to a Chrysler 300 it still looks like a Chrysler 300 then continue reading...

Having just spent a week in Key West enjoying the Sun, Alcohol, and Wickedness that is Key West, we were looking for a great restaurant to cap off our vacation.  With yelp as my trusty food guide we picked Sushi Rock as many have quoted "the best sushi place in south Florida".  Even the valet kid at our hotel said it was awesome.  

Thinking we would have a great meal we went...

If you like real Sushi then this place just flat out blows!  

We started our meal with the Usuzukhuri.

How can you get crappy tuna when the gulf stream is 30 minutes off the coast of Florida?  The fish was completely the wrong temperature, meaning it was tepid like a melting pad of butter, and the fish tasted like it marinated in some other dying fish.

For our meals we ordered a combination meal with sushi, California roll, and steak teriyaki.  The teriyaki was like beef jerky, drenched in so much sauce that it was like a gooey teriyaki sauce soup.

We also ordered a couple of the restaurants "signature rolls", can you say WTF?  We ordered  the Big Bopper, the Michael Jackson, and the Crazy Roll.  

The Big Bopper and the MJ are completely indistinguishable when it gets in your mouth.  MJ has cream cheese in it which in this particular application acts like a paste that melds all the other crap in the roll together creating one big messy taste of cream cheese gone bad.  At the same time the Big Bopper which is supposed to have BBQ eel and caviar in it again becomes completely indistinguishable once it's in your mouth.  In fact if you put the two rolls in your mouth with your eyes closed you would think you are eating the same gooey pile of mush.

We ended up spending $100+, I was at first shocked, then in awe, then feeling I had been violated, and then just bitter.  I have no qualms about paying for good food, but this my friends is a waste, and if this is an indication of what is considered really good food in Fort Lauderdale you are better off eating at TGI Fridays, or Subway because at least at those places you know what to expect.  

I would probably give this a two and half stars but I feel this joint needs to be brought down to earth because the line of people that we saw after us is clearly unwarranted.  

Hey Fort Lauaderdale you all wouldn't know good Sushi if it jumped out of the gulf stream committed hari kari or seppuku and laid pieces of it in your open mouth, and then said "Sir, I am sorry for having taken so long to die as I am only 2 minutes fresh.".

I give this place a rating of "Belly Fat" 1 Star. 

My new rating system:

BELLY FAT  = 1 Star = It's only good to fill your stomach in the event of a nuclear fall out.
FAT ASS     = 2 Stars = It's good enough that you can sit hear and add some junk to the trunk.
MAN BOOBS = 3 Stars = It's good, so be prepared to develop man boobs.
FAT HEAD = 4 Stars = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.
SUMO  = 5 Stars = It's good enough that you should use this as a primary source of consumption to become a professional sumo wrestler.

Brazilian Steakhouse...Fat Man's Meth...

Fogo De Chao

1101 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20004
Phone: 202-347-4668
Fax: 202-347-4640

Fogo de Chao is like a meat-lovers brothel, or bordello.  The best part about this bordello is that you only pay one price, and don't get charged for return trips to the meat line.

The $50 a head price tag gave me a bit of reluctance to try this place, but a special occasion in the family made it possible to try it.  I've been to other Brazilian Steakhouses yet this is the best one by far, hands down, game over, this place is the best!  For those of you unfortunate few souls unfamiliar with this type of dining, a Brazilian Steakhouse is essentially a buffet style restaurant.  Veggies are found on the salad bar with the meat being delivered to you table side via a hot skewer.  The meat is then cut at your table, and you pick the meat using small tongs off the skewer onto your plate

Fogo de Chao provides 15 different cuts of meat each one more tender and juicer then the one before it.  It's one of the few time that I've had beef where even after the meat has cooled it stayed as tender and juicy as it was when it was piping hot.

Another nice thing about Fogo is that the beef isn't drowned in some cheap marinade or drenched in butter to give it a false sense of goodness.  

The chicken and pork was just as good, the only thing I didn't enjoy too much was the sausage.  Needless to say if you are the polar opposite of a Birkenstock wearing, PETA lovin', pale skinned, patchouli oil smelling Vegan then this is you place.  

The veggies are good, a little more variety would be nice, but clearly the salad bar is not the focus.

Fogo has one other nice touch which is also used filler so you don't go over board on the meat, they provide each table with a side of Mashed Potatoes,Plantains , some fried bread that tastes like french toast, and their own cheesy roll.  The cheese rolls are awesome!!!!!!  They are evil, but they taste awesome.

The service is very good and the gauchos are very attentive to whether or not you need meat.  In some areas I think the service was a little too attentive because after a while you do feel a tiny bit like they want you to hurry up and eat and leave the table.

I give this place a "Fat Head" rating or 4 stars in the Fattest Food Reviews...Fat Head Rating = It's really good so after the fat is packed onto your gut, rump, and boobs, it will have to find a release in your big fat head.

           

La Caraquena

La Caraquena
300 W Broad St
Falls Church, VA 22046

(703) 533-0076

www.lacaraquena.com

La Carquena might be hard to find for non Falls Churchers, it's connected to a tiny motel in the heart of Falls Church City.  

We ordered carryout yesterday, so I haven't been inside the restaurant.  The food though is good.  It's very flavorful, and their dipping sauces provided a lot of extra uumpf to the food.

From La Caraquena we ordered Saltenas, Tequenones, Arepas, and the Yucca Frita.

The Saltenas are better than most.  I've never had authentic Saltenas so I don't know what they should taste like when cooked by a Bolivian grandmother.  What I do know is that La Caraquena makes them far better than other places where I have had Saltenas.  The crust of the "turnover" had a light crunch yet the inner part of the crust maintained a soft fluffy texture.  The stew inside the Saltenas was loaded with great flavors, and the vegetables weren't over cooked, you could taste each part while altogether still enjoying the overall combination of flavors.

The Tequenones are good but not my bag.  The crust on these Latin cheese sticks were a bit dry and the cheese wasn't as soft as I would like, maybe it's the way it's supposed to be but I don't like it when a "cheese stick" has cheese that doesn't melt in your mouth, and is a bit too chewy. 

The Arepas I believe will be my undoing.  If I wasn't on a mission to lose weight I think I would intentionally try to gain 10 lbs in a week just for the sake of tasting each of their 11 different Arepas.  I  had the Sifrina, a blend of chicken salad, avocado, and mayo with a mix of cheeses, this joyous harmony of flavors is topped off by being in the center of two grilled (or fried) cornmeal patties.  I could eat just the cornmeal patties on there own with some butter. 

The Yucca Frita was cooked really well; it was clear the Yucca was fresh Yucca and not out of a bag like mass produced French Fries. 

This place has become another go to restaurant in Falls Church City, the city with nothing to do...

I give this a Man Boobs+ Rating or 3.5 Stars, it's good so be prepared to develop man boobs, the only reason it doesn't get 4 Stars is that I didn't like the Tequenones.