In going into my third week, I am finally seeing the scale move again. My mind is so set on breaking the 250 lbs barrier. I have been tempted almost everyday to go to Washington Sports Club, or the gym in my building to do some Cardio.
I don’t know how much of it is a direct result of Pavlovian Conditioning, and how much of it is this idea that I can work myself thin, but I can’t help feel that I need to sweat. I actually miss the feeling of being soaked in a shirt with sweat, because I’ve given everything that I can in a workout.
It’s how I felt after the 2 round version of the filthy fifty today. In an attempt to breakdown the emotional weight of 500 reps of work Aaron and Erika decided we would do the Filthy Fifty in two rounds of 25 instead of 50 rounds of each straight through.
In any case after I finished I was soaked, and it felt good, I'm sure it's some strange fat guy conditioning.
A combination of this deep desire to reach 250 lbs, and a desire to push my cardiovascular endurance is making it tough to just stick to my 5 week plan. I’m sure to some degree this compulsive behavior was either part, or a result of my previous food life.
In reading Gary Taubes’ “Why We Get Fat” a second time, I find myself trying to shift my paradigm in a way that looks as obesity as a symptom of some biological functions and not the cause of a physics equation. It’s hard to truly accept after 30 years of programming that I’m fat because I ate too much, and was lazy.
The more I think about it, a big portion of my youth was spent working for my parents, summers were I worked 50 hours a week on my feet all day long, in an environment that wasn’t a factory but clearly blue collar, yet with all of those calories expended I couldn’t lose weight.
I also look at how I lost weight the first time in high school, starvation, and steady state cardiovascular exercise. The funny thing is in retrospect the meals I would eat were very low in carbs, and high in protein and fat. When you eat next to nothing, I’m sure your body has no sugar left to burn, and some innate drive is created that seeks and craves foods which not only give it what it needs but satiates hunger.
If anyone reading this sees an almost mind numbing pattern, to be obese is to be broken, and obsessively focused on food, physical comfort directly related to mobility, and depressive unhappy thoughts. Anyone who is morbidly obese who appears to be happy is full of shit, and the more gregarious they appear to be the more inwardly unhappy they are…
I think I know what I want to do with the next phase of my life…
WoD
Today’s WoD involved doing the Filthy Fifty broken into 2 rounds of 25. So the work was as follows:
2 Rounds
25 Box Jumps 24” Box
25 Jumping Pull Ups
25 kb swings 35 lbs kb
25 walking lunges
25 knees to elbows
25 push press 45 lbs
25 back extensions or 95 lbs straight leg deadlift
25 wall balls 20 lbs 10’ target
25 burpees
25 double unders
I found that after the first round I was gassed. Trying to do the box jumps took a great deal of concentration, especially since this is the first WoD I’ve used the 24” box. I had to scale the knees to elbows to knees to gut, and did 50 running mans instead of double unders.
Burpees during this WoD sucked ass. My wrists hurt so I couldn’t get down fast enough, and then my legs decided it was move like an old man day.
In the end I finished 2.5 minutes faster than when I did it in December with a higher box. Going to the 24” box changed the difficulty for sure. I think it would have taken me longer to the same WoD with 50 box jumps at 24”, only because my mind would not have been able to handle it.
I wrote here not all that long ago about how unfulfilled I am with my life, largely because I find my work to be about comfort, and not about a greater purpose. In the last couple of weeks a few opportunities have presented themselves to me, and I am trying to figure out what is the right step. One involves staying in the present industry growing the operations to the point of having to hire an Operations Manager, or moving in a whole different direction freeing up my time to do other projects.
I’m at a crossroads, one that I have been wanting for a long time, but find myself now stuck in, a place of indecision almost waiting for the chips to fall into place. There are times when the best move is no move at all; I’m just not sure if this is one of those…
Too bad through the lenses of hindsight, one always has perfect vision. I just want to wake up in the morning, not dreading my place in the world, I would also like to be involved in a business that employees people on a different level, so I can lead them, as opposed to dragging them kicking and screaming.
I don’t know what the right decision is, but I do know they will have to be made soon…
Fuck You Newspaper Man
Last week I wrote about not tipping my newspaper guy, and I posted a picture of how he is placing my newspaper just beyond my door, but now it’s clear he reads my blog and wants me to die.
See Below:
A plea to Baby Jesus
Dear Baby Jesus,
Please will you make it SNOW. I promise if you make it snow this winter I will no longer defame “Tim Tebow”, or demean the Christmas Carolers by slamming the door in their faces, or pretend to pray when stuck in a family gathering, or act like Michael Jackson and throw water balloons at homeless people, or wish that Sarah Palin get hit by a bus, if you just make it SNOW, I will be less like me, and more like Tim Tebow.
In the name of Baby Jesus I plea.
Amen.
WoD
Another great day for my business today, rain, fucking rain in January, I’m trying to not get stressed but I have to admit the standby noose in my closet is looking awful tempting these days.
I started the morning off with a WoD at Patriot CrossFit. The mornings work involved doing front squats, and then doing Grace (one of the named WoDs). I was able to increase my front squat today, and finished my final set at 175 lbs. This is a big step forward for me because I have been stuck at the 135-155 lbs range for weeks because of my poor posture and technique. I was able to all of my work at 155 lbs, then 165 lbs for the 4th set and finishing at 175 lbs. I am so close to 185 lbs I can taste it.
When I started CrossFit I created these benchmarks I had to reach which were all related to the color and combination of bumper plates. Initially it was just trying to get the red 45 lbs plates on for most motions, now I am working on getting the red and yellow plates together so that I am able to at least 185 lbs for most of the lifts.
After the front squats, we did Grace. Grace is simply 30 reps of clean and jerks for time. It’s one of the benchmark workouts for CrossFit. We were given 7 minutes of time, and I thought it would take me the entire 7 minutes. The prescribed weight is 135 lbs, and I was confident that I could do it, but my own fear caused me to change the 45 lbs plates to 25 lbs plates, and two 10 lbs per side. This would effect my time because I wasted time adjusting the setup during grace because the collar I put on was weak.
I was able to finish in 5:12, which was far better than I expected. I’m sure I could have finished under 5 minutes had I gone into with a better mindset, and not futzed around with the bar. Watch this 5 minute of uncoordinated work below:
The one thing I learned from Grace, was the true motion of a push jerk. When you reach reps 20 and above there is no way around getting the bar overhead other than dip, drive, and then get underneath it.
Satruday day 15 of the Paleo Challenge was a rest day, and apparently it was a good thing, the WoD was a 10 round hero WoD with all the fun stuff like Handstand Push-ups, pull-ups, and double unders, all things I suck at, and deadlifts which I am ok with, there was a part of me that wanted to go to do it because all of the above are areas I know I need to work on, but in an effort to stay true to Shady’s challenge to stay Paleo and Crossfit’s 3 on 1 off methodology I took the day off.
This month has been tough on my business; this time of year we are printing money, money that we use to sustain operations throughout the entire year. Unfortunately in 2012 the weather is not cooperating and it feels more like September weather than January. I’ve been attempting to not stress about the financial situation but when you look at your checking account both business and personal, and all you see are things that make you sad, it's hard not to want to kill.
I’ve found myself trying to just stay busy, focusing on future projects, seraching of better staff and looking to improve how I handle my physical goals for the year, I really want to find a trainer or someone that I can hit mitts with a couple of times a month. As much as I enjoy Crossfit, I miss longer duration work, or effort. I have no idea how the body responds to various stimuli; yet the endorphin release that occurs after prolonged exertion is different than what I’m getting now.
It’s hard to describe but I’m sure it’s akin to runners high, I remember the first time I felt this while climbing my first 14’er as a teenager, and I told myself this is a feeling I want to experience the rest of my life. Perhaps not having this for so many years is the reason that I fell deeper and deeper into a fat abyss.
When I was working with Ali a few months back, I would get this feeling when he would crush me with boxing at the end of a workout. As much as I like finding my dark place, I like reaching this physical climax because that's what it feels like...climax.
I also think hitting the shit out of some gloves would help release some tension, thus reducing the cortisol in my body and helping my fat ass trim down faster.
Sunday
When I WoD on Sunday’s I normally go to the even classes because of work, but I woke up to more shitty weather so it was an easy decision to go to the 9 AM session at Patriot. Low and behold who do I see but none other than Ryan Powell, I heard he was a coach, but to see him in the flesh was an incredulous moment, kind of like being shown the location of Jimmy Hoffa’s body (which I will nethier confirm nor deny).
It turns out that this relatively angry guy is a descent coach. I got there early and he was able to explain to me how to use the damper on the C2 Rower. In setting the damper you have to treat it like gears on a bicycle, while at the same time taking into account ones height. Ryan suggested that I should keep it set at 5-6 for longer rows, and 10 for shorter ones. Much of how the machine functions is based on your ability to keep the flywheel moving, so the idea of efficiency is about using your energy to keep it moving, I think if I imagine myself actually on a boat the idea is to keep the boat gliding across the water as opposed to pull, glide, slow down, then pull, glide a little, slow down.
The day’s work involved doing snatch balances. We were instructed to do 5 sets of 3. I was able to 4 sets of 3 at 145 lbs, and 1 set of 3 at 155 lbs. This is video of my last snatch balance.
After the Snatch Balances we had to do Helen, but there was a choice of doing a 400 meter row, 400 meter run, or 120 double unders. I decided I would run because it’s the true to form version of Helen, and because I suck at running, so every time we have a chance to run I should do it.
Helen involves 3 rounds for time of a 400 meter run, 21 kettlebell swings with a 53 lbs kettlebell and 12 pull-ups. I was able to finish in 11:55. My pull-ups need lots of work, as does my running.
It is hard as shit to run after doing kettlebell swings, especially during the third round, as I turned the corner for the final 50-60 meters I was trying to dig deep to spring it home, and the more I pushed the more my legs felt like they were going in slow motion.
Meals Day 15 and 16
I only kept partial logs on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I got a case of indigestion that wouldn’t go away, in fact I had it when I went to bed. I woke up 3 times that night to just get up and walk around. I don’t know if it was the breakfast, or the chili I made, but something had me backed up.
Sunday I had a snack before the WoD, then a descent size brunch afterwards, and then I wasn’t hungry for the rest of the day. For dinner I had my Power Supply meal, without anything extra, and even the Power Supply portion felt large. Normally the dinners they pack seem like a snack. I trust myself so little with food, I texted Ryan to ask him if I should intentionally eat to make sure I have enough in terms of calories, he told me not to force the issue so I didn’t.
Weight
So my weight has fluctuated in the last week from 266 lbs down to 262 lbs, then this morning 265 lbs. I know the primary point of this challenge is not weight loss, but I would like to see the numbers move more, when I started I said I would be happy with 10 lbs loss, now my expectations have increased and I would like to get down to the 250’s. I’m eating strict, and have not cheated once.
I met Sherri at the Biggest Loser Resort in Malibu, aka Fat Camp. She was one of the members of the notorious now infamous VAN 5. She’s a liberal who lives in Greenville, SC so don’t share that shit with anyone because I’m sure that means she’ll get strung up with a rope, and don’t worry hillbillies don’t use the internet.
She does a bit of traveling for work, and was in Baltimore, MD which is about 60 miles away from where I live, she made the drive down to see me, which is was very nice. I showed up late, walking into my lobby at 3:45 pm, to find myself being starred at by a woman. Yes this is always a nice thing when a strange woman gives you the eye of recognition, but it turns out I knew this person, it was none other than Sherri. Sherri Underwood from the lost hike on Zuma Ridge, Sherri Underwood better known as week 2 trail runner, and Sherri Underwood’s alter ego Fucking Cussing Sailor During a Workout with Sam.
She’s hardcore, and pushes herself hard always to the point of exhaustion. In this we are kindred spirits, I don’t know if she’s motivated by a self-loathing that borders on insanity, or just naturally is driven.
We had a nice evening first getting coffee at the most obscene, pretentious place in Clarendon, Le Pain Quotidien. I don’t know why I hate this place, maybe it represents some repressed feelings I have about the French, Business, or American Society, or the fact that I had lunch there one time with my girlfriend, not knowing what the fuck was going on and ended up with a hungry stomach, and a $60.00 check.
It is an ok place to sit and talk with someone.
We talked for a while, then walked over to Potomac Crossfit to try and catch the end of a WoD, but I got the time wrong and when we were standing outside to stare, people were starring back at me because it was the start of the next class. Kind of weird actually, I’m sure as Brian waved to me, he was thinking what the fuck is that guy doing?
For dinner we went to DC and a nice time at Fogo de Chao. Yeah, Paleo! I love this place, and it was much easier staying away form the Polenta, and Cheesy bread than I anticipated. The meat is so fucking good! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Good!
I found out that they only use salt, pepper, and some seasoning for their beef, so it is good to go. The only thing that has any cheese is the parmesan crusted pork.
After dinner we went back to my place, Sherri met my girlfriend, and we talked a bit more before she left around 9 pm. It was really nice to see her, and see how much progress she has made.
Sherri you look fantastic, keep up the good work, and oh by the way did you hear about this Crossfit?
Nutritional Consult with Aaron
This past week I met with Aaron for a nutritional consultation. There were a few neurotic questions I had to ask him, mainly related to how much I should consume, when and what to consume, and proportionally what my macronutrient intake should be, the last question Ian answered for me previously but I’m an Asian always checking my answers so confirmation from another trusted party reaffirms my belief.
I was concerned that I was eating too much protein, over the last week I had reached almost 300 grams of protein a couple of day, consequently those were days my weight was in flux. Now the two issues maybe related or have nothing to with each other, but it’s hard not to draw some conclusions.
The consensus seems to be about 1 gram per pound is a safe number to work at, Aaron did mention that perhaps shooting for a 1 gram per pound of lean muscle was the better approach. I think I should shoot for 200-220 grams a day.
I also was concerned that my caloric intake was getting too high, on more than one occasion I was getting above 2500 calories. I hope to one day never give a shit about that number but today, in an effort to figure out how much to eat, I should shoot for a number closer to 2000. Aaron suggests keeping a window between 1900-2300 calories a day. He also stressed to me that I shouldn’t freak out if I go under or over, as long as my hunger is in check.
In the past two weeks I have in the even forced myself to eat more to achieve my 2000 number, and then have not eaten despite having hunger because of the number. It’s insanity but I don’t trust myself with food.
In order to reduce my protein intake slightly, I am going to have to eat more fats to make up for the caloric deficit, which is easy considering 1 gram of protein has 4 calories, and 1 gram of fat has 9 calories.
I also asked some questions about pre and post workout, he basically told me that if I feel it necessary I should, and that if I eat within 30 minutes after my workout anyway I shouldn’t force myself to eat more between post WoD and a meal.
WoD
This morning we worked on Bench Press, and a Metcon which was three rounds of work 40 reps, 30 reps, and 20 reps.
I was happy today because I reached a couple of personal records. First this was the first time I did 3 sets of 5 at 185 lbs, second at the end I had 205 on the bar, and pressed it twice which tells me that the next time we do this for lower reps I should go up in weight. 205 was a first.
The Metcon was a joyous combination of push presses, lunges with the bar, and sit-ups. I have to tell you my ass cheeks still hurt this morning. The prescribed weight was 95 lbs, which I thought about doing, but I did 5 reps as a warm-up, and I think I could have gotten through most of it, but in attempting to do a lunge with 95 lbs I got stuck at the bottom of one. I had to figure a way to dump the bar without killing myself, I ultimately tipped it in one direction then jumped out.
Here is video from this ugliness. Two things to look for in the video Brian working the 95 lbs bar, which tells me I made the right decision, and Chesley hanging out after she finished an hour before everyone.
I finished in 14 minutes, I am happy to say that I told Chesley how I feel about her...in trying to keep up with her sometimes, I find I don’t like her, she finished early…starting putting stuff away, and I’m sure she could have gotten a manicure and pedicure in-between the time she finished and I finished.
So apparently most of my adult life I’ve been using food to deliver sugary sauces into my mouth, drink coffee to taste dairy and more sugary flavors, and consume vegetables only for the sake of consuming sugary salad dressings.
I’m finding that there are flavors beside sweet, and intensely salty, in-between their is a spectrum where apparently a whole array of flavors exist.
I used to get coffee wherever it was convenient, so going to Dunkin Donuts to get an ice coffee was no big deal. The photo below is my reaction to drinking Dunkin Donuts ice coffee black.
It tastes like shit, in fact the only thing it tastes like is a Korean Herbal medicine called “Han-Yak”, which is essential some amalgamation of roots, dirt, deer horns, and other random shit only found in a witches brew. Clearly Dunkin Donuts makes their coffee for the purpose of delivering Sugar.
I’m also finding that meat tastes differently, I can actually differentiate between chicken, pork, and lamb. Now that it’s not drowned in a particular sauce to muddle the flavors, and also because I’m choosing to buy higher quality meats those that are pasture raised, after reading Michael Pollan’s Omnivore’s Dilemma I made a vow to only buy Organic or pasture raised meats, but got lazy towards the end of last year, but I am now recommitted to eating the good stuff.
If you have the time and are interested hear one of his talks here…
I highly recommend reading his book.
In the end the challenge has been great because I am rediscovering the taste of food, I just hope afterwards I don’t go back to my old ways of drowning my food in sauce.
Tipping and the Fucking Newspaper Man
I’ve never seen or ever met my Washignton Post Delivery man, but I did get a nice card from him right before Christmas. It was a generic card that said “Merry Christmas” signed "Muhammad", with a self addressed envelope inside, and no stamp.
The message by itself with printed name of Muhammad as the signer was funny enough, but then I went into this internal dialogue was I impressed by this or miffed by it. On the one hand I think way to go guy, "get your tips", on the other hand I’m thinking fuck you ass, what have you done so extraordinary that I should give you a tip?
I didn’t give it much thought afterwards, and I left the card on my countertop until after New Year’s at which point I threw it away. As a result starting a week ago this guy has started to passively aggressively show me his displeasure in my non-tipping. He keeps placing the newspaper just beyond the front door, so I have to get fully dressed to grab the newspaper. See the photo below:
So rule of thumb, apparently you’re supposed to tip the newspaper guy. Fuck me another person to tip.
WoD
This morning during the WoD I felt pretty fucking awesome. My energy level was high, I felt strong and powerful, it’s a sensation I haven’t had in years, perhaps never truly experience because this time it wasn’t fueled by sugar and caffeine. I had a natural source of raw power.
It felt good, I was lighter on my feet, and was ready to push the weight with my jerks. The work was to do 5 sets of 2.
I was able to do all the work above my previous weights, 165 lbs twice, 175 lbs twice, and 185 lbs on the last set which is a personal record for me. Here is video from the first 175 lbs jerks, and the final set at 185 lbs.
The Metcon today was something different; all the movements were things that we don’t normally do, so it was a nice change. A 10 minute AMRAP of 10 ground to overheads with a 45 lbs plate, 1 farmers carry of 100’ holding a 53 lbs kettle bell in one hand, and holding a 45 lbs plate in the other using a pinch, and then jumping over a 24” box. I couldn’t get past the mental block of jumping over the box so I stack a bunch of plates to just over 20”.
I didn’t record this Metcon because it was chaotic; I ended up doing 5 rounds plus 10.5 reps.
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